While I sit here in a cramping, hormonal heap, I thought “Hey, lets write a blog about how crappy periods are” and voilà! So be warned, this won’t be pretty.
I am actually a pretty lucky female. Since I was 17, I have had a contraceptive implant in my arm and my monthly cycle has been pretty much nonexistent. I’d say I only suffer maybe four times a year, which is amazing but on the flip side, when it does happen, I am so mentally unprepared. It is impossible to predict (though I do get spottier, WHY!!!) and having been so long since I had a regular pattern, I forget how irritating it can be.
When I was growing up and my monthlies were monthly, I did suffer pretty badly (I know most woman say that). The cramping I could deal with, it was the nausea, headaches and anxiety that kept me off school. Side note: I remember getting very panicky when it was my time of the month, anyone else experience that or was it just in my head? Let me know. Anyway, getting the implant was the best thing I ever did. Never again (besides the four random periods that plague my otherwise ideal life) would I have to count 28 days until my next cycle (which never turned up on time anyway) or spend stupid amounts of money on sanitary products, extra chocolate and ice cream. I was free from the woman curse! All that besides the mood swings, which I swear are worse than ever but have just become part of me. I can blame my implant for my b***chiness right?
So when this time does arrive and I’m at work and suddenly start cramping, that wave of “Oh S***“, “Oh for goodness sake” and “Why now?!” washes over me and instant high school nostalgia comes flooding back. As I said, I am very inexperienced now, I no longer own a hot water bottle and never get round to buying one as I know I won’t need it until next season but each time I forget how utterly painful they are. So painful that all I want to do is rip out my uterus and throw it onto a burning fire, sacrificing it to the devil himself… or is that just my mood swings again… or in a less aggressive way, all I really want to do is apply pressure to the area but can I do that? Of course not! Because the pain is just an inch too internal and I end up pressing on my bladder more than my uterus. Stupid (but kind of clever) human biology.
I like to think I have a fairly high pain threshold, not many things can reduce me to tears (except for stubbing my toe but who doesn’t that affect). There are often times were I’ll discover a huge purple bruise on my leg or a scratch from Clove that I hadn’t realised was there before. Cuts and scraps are fine. If it is a surface injury, I can put a pretty plaster on it and carry on with my day, no biggy but the one thing I really hate is internal pain. I hate not knowing 100% why something hurts. Take headaches for example. I know I get headaches for one of two reasons: Stress or dehydration. But when I feel relaxed and I’ve downed 3 glasses of water and I’m still hurting, my brain starts to wander off. What if its something else? Something more… sinister… and the same applies for period pains. “Did it hurt this much last time? what if I have an overian cyst that I don’t know about…” This is the problem with working in a hospital.
On a serious note though, while I’m typing a way moaning about my biology, those of you who have monthly periods, you guys are the true warriors. If I had to cope with this every month, my uterus would definitely be on that fire.